peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
