I can tuck mytits in my pants
that's an acceptable place to lick
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
