So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I got inside last night via doggy door
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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