I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Randomize
