Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Me too!
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
They have beer where we have blood.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
