wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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