I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
