her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
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