your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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