put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
