She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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