you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
