I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
