the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Randomize
