remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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