WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
