I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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