And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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