420 ftw
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
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