just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
