you have to choose: penises or morals?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
