We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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