Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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