You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
my liver is dry heaving
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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