Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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