ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
