Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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