some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
