his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
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