ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
