if i can run in heels then i can drive
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
This is the high leading the old right now
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
