I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
