I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
