i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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