Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
