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I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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