would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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