twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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