Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
