Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
