We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
