Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
You smell like stripper and shame
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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