I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Randomize
