she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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