You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
