You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
farters have to be the big spoon...
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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