Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
pop tarts are not kleenex
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
