She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
