someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
