White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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