So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
