Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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